Friday, October 28, 2005

Secrets of Disney's Haunted Mansion


Secrets of the Haunted Mansion: a web tribute to Disney's Haunted Mansion with history, concept art, audio loops, a bibliography, etc. Nice!

Link!

MM

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Dynamite Book Test Review



I don't laugh much. Why? 'Cause a lot of shit just ain't funny. Just turn on your TV and tell me I'm wrong. However, Frank Joglar made me bust a nut with his review of the Dynamite Book Test here. He even reveals how it's done. Sort of.

Link!

Magic Backstage has been added to the blogroll. Thanks for the laugh, Frank!

Time for more important things like playing a little Quake 4!

MM

John Calvert's One Tough Motherfucker!

Received the following report in my email inbox this morning. Holy shit!



Surviving Wilma on the waves

Couple ride out terror John Calvert, 94, and his wife, Tammy, 63, survive Wilma on a runaway boat, Oct 26, 2005

MERRITT ISLAND -- At the height of Hurricane Wilma, John Calvert stood on the bow of his yacht in the Banana River struggling with a frayed anchor line.

If it snapped, the 94-year-old man was certain the fierce winds would send his boat crashing into the Mathers Bridge.

Inside the thrashing 67-foot vessel, Calvert's wife, Tammy, prayed.

"I was scared to death," she said Tuesday. "I thought it was the end of us."

Hours earlier, Tammy Calvert, 63, who can't swim, had urged her husband to leave the yacht they call home and ride out the storm at a friend's house.

But Calvert, a former stuntman, magician and adventurer who has flown blindfolded and once doubled for Clark Gable, was convinced they would be fine.

The yacht he had helped build 25 years ago was tied to a dock and was weighted with seven anchors.

But as the winds howled Monday afternoon, a nearby dock suddenly broke apart and slammed into the dock where the Calverts' boat, the Magic Castle II, was moored.

"I had to cut the moor lines and all but two of the anchor lines loose so I could get away from the dock," Calvert said.

He managed to start the motor and steer toward the middle of the Banana River about 100 yards from shore, where the water is 20 to 25 feet deep.

Despite near-100 mph winds, 5-foot waves and pounding rain, Calvert still was convinced they would be safe.

Then he noticed the fraying line.

"I had to get that part of the rope pulled in so it wouldn't break," he said. "I have to say, I was getting very concerned."

Using a cell phone with a dying battery, Calvert called his friend Bob Green and asked him to get help. Green called 911 and then the U.S. Coast Guard.

But even before Green called him back, Calvert knew nobody would come for them.

The winds were too strong to send a helicopter, and all the boat ramps were flooded, Coast Guard Petty Officer Ben Fleming said.

"I already knew I would have to figure my way out," said Calvert, adding that the Coast Guard kept close tabs on them, calling every hour.

Somehow, Calvert managed to secure the anchor line, and the couple spent the rest of the night huddled inside the stranded yacht.

Early Tuesday, a Coast Guard vessel brought the weary pair to shore.

By late afternoon, a diver from a salvage company was trying to untangle a mass of ropes and lines in the murky water, some of which had gotten caught in the boat's propeller.

"I don't have a bone or a muscle in my body that isn't aching," Calvert conceded. "I've never worked so hard in my life."

Tammy Calvert spent the morning on the phone with her sister.

"We both just cried," she said, the tears suddenly welling.

As for the Magic Castle II, Calvert said he had decided to sell it just days before the hurricane hit.

Tammy Calvert couldn't be happier.

"This was like going through hell," she said.

MM

Blah, Blah, BLAH!

All right, all right, I'm back already!

I got everyone's emails thinking I had jumped ship. Thank you but no -- I was away on a couple of cruises this month, and now I'm officially back in the saddle again. It was an opportunity for me to get back to work again after the death of my mother (something that was harder on me than I originally thought). It was also more difficult than I thought to get my ever-widening ass into gear, but I managed to get to Miami.

I'm also making more of an effort to check out Monday Night Magic now that I am settled back East. We'll see whether or not it is the East Coast's answer to the West Coast's Magic Castle. I'll post here after my visits, of course...

Special thanks to MagiCentric for the blogroll addition of MagicMafia III. I made sure to reciprocate, and you should really check out Steve's blog; it's one of the better ones out there compared to this shlock!

MM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Mindfreak, Episode 12



Your thoughts? Prayers? Accolades? Insults? Anyone else wanna run Criss over with a car?

MM

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'



Y'know, I didn't even act this way the first time I got laid! Your spaceship's here to take you home, Tom, ya freak!

MM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Criss Angel Named 2005 Magician of the Year



TOTH to Wayne N. Kawamoto:

Criss Angel, creator and star of A&E’s popular "CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK," was named 2005 Magician of the Year by The Academy of Magical Arts (AMA) at a press event at Hollywood’s Magic Castle. We had the opportunity to attend the event and talk with Milt Larson, co-founder of the Magic Castle; Dale Hindman, president of the AMA; Irene Larson, co-founder of the Castle and Gay Blackstone, vice president of the AMA, and even Angel himself, which will form the basis of an upcoming, stand-alone story.

"Criss Angel is going to be a huge superstar in the world of magic," said Dale Hindman. "I predict that he will eclipse David Copperfield at some point because he is brilliant, he cares about magic and is willing to think outside the box.” According to Hindman, Angel is appealing to a youthful crowd, which has resulted in younger visitors at the Magic Castle.

"He's the only guy who is out there on A&E, with huge ratings and is known...he's the logical choice," added Hindman. "He is the most important person in magic this side of Doug Henning," said Milt Larson. “Criss is presenting a new and different form of magic. He’s definitely bringing it into the future and I can’t think of anybody who’s doing it better.”

"Doug Henning and Sigfreid & Roy were forerunners, but Criss is now," said Irene Larson. “Criss Angel has elevated the art of magic to new heights.” According to Irene Larson, Angel is successfully bringing the fun and wonder of magic to a new, younger generation.

Gay Blackstone told us that she has known Angel since he was eleven-years-old, and that he still owns the poster that was signed by her late, legendary husband, Harry Blackstone, Jr. "He is now the leading edge and the epitomy of magic,” said Blackstone. “We try to advance the art and the science of magic and he was the absolute perfect choice this year." According to Blackstone, Angel is good for all of magic and all of entertainment and is responsible for broadening A&E’s demographics.

The event featured a short performance by The Mums, who juggled blades over a prone and courageous Dale Hindman, undoubtedly a preview of the upcoming “It’s Magic!” show that will run in late October in Hollywood’s Ricardo Montalban Theater and will feature Angel. The crowd also viewed the latest MINDFREAK episode, entitled “Prediction,” much of which was shot at the Magic Castle (we’ll run a review of this episode tomorrow).

The Board of Directors and the members of the Academy of Magical Arts annually honor the best and brightest magicians. Past award winners include Harry Blackstone Jr., Harry Anderson, Lance Burton, David Copperfield, Doug Henning, Penn & Teller and Siegfried & Roy.

MM

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Magic Makers At It Again!

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
One of these sets is not like the other...

TOTH to MagiCentric for the heads up:

It looks as if Magic Makers is on the rampage again, this time taking an original idea from the School for Scoundrels and marketing an inferior copy for themselves. The Monster Shells look like a very weak attempt to copy the Trade Show Shells.

Monster Shells

The Giant 3 Shell Game is here. The shells are HUGE. 8 inches long x 6 inches wide x 3 inches deep! Each set contains 3 Giant Shells.
Great for:

Trade Shows

Comedy Entertainment

*Peas Not Included. We recommend you use green sponge balls or whatever you want to reveal that can fit underneath these 3 monsters!

Call the lawyers and ethics police!

MM

What do Hurricane Katrina & Heineken Have in Common?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Shout Out to Andster



My sincere apologies and laments to my brother in arms, Andster, who apparently came across some bad luck with a potential relationship. I was not there for him, and hopefully, I am not too late.

Andster, if you haven't committed the above, please contact me. My computer has been experiencing demonic possession...

MM

Reminiscing: The Brooks Code



The more things change, the more things remain the same:

More shenanegans in the form of "inappropriate ****** content" are again making their way through the pages of the Magic Café. Apparently, such actions that banned former members of the Café are now being approved, so long as it is coming from the mouths of "heavy hitters" like Gazzo, Dan Harlan, and others...

So unless you are one of these folks, get your shift 8 keys ready.

MM

Reminiscing: Product Review # 4


I came across an old review, which I wanted to revisit and inform you about because it's good and cheap. I checked the hyperlink and the product is still available. TOTH to Steve Pellegrino:

January 2005 Detailed Review:

The Torn & Restored Cigarette Paper effect is not a new one, but Steve Pellegrino has found a way to breathe new life into it. In Rippin' on Leipzig, by treating cigarette papers more like cards than cancercausing agents, the effect can now be done with a signed Zig-Zag, TOPS, or JOB paper and signed!

If you are not familiar with this effect, don't bother downloading it; you'd be better off purchasing the Stars of Magic and getting the original Leipzig handling plus some other great magic. Plus, you really need to have the book in your library as it is...

For the rest of you, the set-up takes almost no time at all, in fact you can prepare at home in advance so that you'll be ready for the venue. If you can spit, then the set-up work is almost done for you. The manuscript (in Adobe .pdf format) is very well detailed, accompanied by photographs of the handling from the performer's point of view, and boasts a handling that I have not seen before with a Torn & Restored Cigarette Paper. The cost? $4.95! Even if this offering sucked and was a total and complete bag of douche, there would be no room to complain as it's so damned cheap, but you really are getting something different and worth your consideration here. In fact, those of you (myself included) who have tons of cigarette papers lying around from Martin Lewis' Undivided (or possibly from other extracurricular activities), and realized that his handling may not be for you, Rippin' on Leipzig fits the bill! Plus you get instant satisfaction with a download link once you have purchased the effect.

Short Review:

Go without a pack of cigarettes for a day, get clean, and pick up some cigarette papers and Rippin' on Leipzig instead.

MM

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Reminiscing: Getting Older in Showbiz



There was a time when I could perform up to four shows a day. Four shows. That may not seem like a lot, but I'm not talking close-up venues; I'm talking the full-blown, music filled, comedy riddled, minimum 1 hour to prepare, 45-minute stand-up shows. No illusions (never illusions), but some fairly big props and equipment that fill my gas-guzzling, anti-Sierra Club SUV.

I can't do four shows anymore. I can't even do three. It's not because I don't want to do more than two per day anymore (well, that's part of it), it's more due to the stress and anxiety involved in traveling, setting up the venue, and prepping each show beforehand. Thus, that stress and anxiety runs through me before each show, and it begins that very morning and lasts just before the beginning of my final show. Once I'm on stage, I'm fine and the world's mine; it's waiting for it and prepping for it that takes a toll on me. My shows involve setting up both at home and at the venue. Plus, I always show up early to each show (I've only been late to two show in my entire 17-year career, and they were due to more than one performance being scheduled that day), because it's been my experience that it is always better to show up early in case the client wishes to add more time, start earlier, or I may need to prepare for unforeseen events, etc. When I work for each client, I want them to know that I am committed to them, if even for a little extra time for which they originally contracted. I don't believe it sets a bad precedent; these people pay good money, and they should receive the best possible show in the time allotted in the most professional manner possible. I want them to know that they are the most important thing in my life at that time. May sound corny to you, but that's my firm belief, and I'm sticking with it!

I no longer have the time, patience, the physical and mental capacity, or the convenience for more than two shows per day, except for the ships where there is no room for exception. (If I'm asked to do a third show, it's usually the midnight adult show, in which case I have plenty of time to jog around the ship and throw up over the anchor to get rid of some anxiety.) The most I'll accept now is two shows, especially during this, one of the busiest times of the year. I've still got more company Christmas and New Year's parties to perform, and I'm really feeling it. So many shows, in fact, that I didn't even have time to enjoy the holidays. Hell, I just now realized that 2004 is over, as I looked at my schedule and performance agreements for the coming month and the ones set are for 2005! When you are in the thick of it, it becomes harder to step away from the excitement and enjoy it for yourself, especially with a packed schedule.

I'm not complaining, just sputtering what I feel at the moment; I know that I have a good life, that there are some people who dig my act and that means a lot to me. I'm just not a very in-the-moment person, and I know I need to learn how to enjoy the moment more. Someone close to me reminds me to make the most of every day, and I know she is right, it's just incredibly difficult to recognize the beauty of the moment while IN the moment. I figure that's why so many of us reminisce about the good ol' days, because in retrospect and hindsight, we can appreciate them only when it's too late.

Reminds me of that ol' Eddie Money song, "I Wanna Go Back."

MM

Reminiscing: SPUR-M SPAM?

This is an actual SPAM email I received on New Year's Day. Don't these people ever quit? Not only that, but do they actually think that people will actually swallow something as preposterous as this?

Heya! Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out? Have you ever wanted to impress your girl with a huge cumshot? SPUR-M is the only site to offer an all natural male enhancement formula that is proven to increase your sperm volume by up to 500%. Our highly potent, volume enhancing formula will give our results in days and comes with an impressive 100% guarantee. Imagine the difference (look and feel) between dribbling your cum compared to shooting out burst after burst. Try SPUR-M now! And with our money back guarantee you have absolutely nothing to lose!

How about your humility? Obviously, some folks have been watching too many Peter North flicks. Bleach-scented marshmallow sandwiches, anyone?

MM

Reminiscing

Introducing (or reintroducing) a new feature on Magic Mafia called "Reminiscing." Reminiscing is a look back at the first year of the Magic Mafia which I was able to archive. I'll be posting them intermittently as MM1 & MM2 are now deceased. You'll know if a post is an archive as the beginning of each title will begin with the word, "Reminiscing." Go figure.

It'll be nice to take a look back and make MM3 more complete. Join me, won't you?

MM

Monday, October 03, 2005

Penn Jillette's New Book



I've just finished reading "How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker: The Wisdom of Dickie Richard," co-authored by Penn Jillette and Mickey D. Lynn. The book purports to be a how-to manual of cheating from a master card-cheat, crook and hustler, as recounted to (and written down by) Jillette and Lynn. I'm not sure if it's a genuine account, a composite account from many card-sharps, or a fiction from the whole cloth, and I don't care. It was a thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable read.

I don't know when I've ever read a book that was more hard-boiled. It read like a cross between the classic con-man study The Big Con and a Dashiell Hammett novel. The author's account makes him out to be a genuine sociopath, and his descriptions of dealing bottoms and seconds, goading other players into acting badly, sneaking chips and the contents of home-game strongboxes are filled with a gleeful species of braggadocio that makes it clear that this guy is a lot more fun to read about than to meet (likewise, the HOWTOs for surviving the inevitable beatings you'll endure when you get caught are clear enough warning to me that moral considerations aside, cheating at cards is just a bad idea).

There's an hilarious appendix of card-sharp lingo that tells many tales -- I love slang and jargon and word-play.

I've always been a fan of this little sub-genre of narrative accounts of con-men, gamblers and so forth. I don't gamble at all, don't even play the lotto (we call it the stupidity tax in my household) but I find reading about the crazy, hell-for-leather, grifting exploits of amoral con-artists just fascinating.

The book's got many grace-notes but my favorite is that when you remove the dust-jacket, there's a different title printed on the back of the book (nominally so you can read it without arousing suspicion): THE HISTORY OF PLAYING CARDS IN AMERICA BY DB RICHARDS.

Home games are ripe for the picking. There are more George games going on in a bullshit town than you'll ever find at the swankiest casino in Vegas. A lot of people would rather blow their money in their weekly payday game than spend a bundle on tickets and hotels to get to the closest casino. If they stay at home, they have more money to play with and more to lose to you. Why should you split your money with Wayne Newton.

There are pros and there are cons (other than you) in the home game. First, you'll have to play with a lot of idiots. Don't let them frustrate you. Many of them won't know the game. Almost every single one of them will believe that they're a "much better than average" player. They'll try to be hip and act like riverboat gamblers. One guy I played with proudly showed his pocket aces and announced that he had "US Air" instead of "American Airlines" (A-A). They'll make you sick because they're so stupid and so easily taken. Don't get cynical. They're like children. Be patient and support them. Children aren't smart; they're little robots that do and feel what you teach them to do and feel. Unlike children, home game players won't give you their love, they'll only give you their money. And that's better any day.

Link!

TOTH to Cory Doctorow

MM

X-Ray of Real Life Coke Whore


TOTH to David Pescovitz:

Here's a sad story of a Trinidadian woman who swallowed 100 thumb-sized packets of cocaine to smuggle into England.

From the BBC News:

She was told to wash them down with Coca-Cola. Three men stood guard and every three hours another man would come to check she was getting on with the task. "It was frightful to be swallowing these things, it was horrible. I felt I was going to be sick but they gave me some black coffee. I had only taken 20 and they said I had three hours to take the other 80..."When she had finally managed to ingest all 100 packages she was put on a flight to London with another man whom she was to pretend was her common law husband. She was told not to eat on the flight although she did anyway, little knowing that eating stimulates gastric juices which can burn through the latex and cause the bags to burst. Fortunately, this did not happen.

Link!

MM

Blogroll Update



It's Winter cleaning time here at the Magic Mafia. The blogroll is at its smallest due to now retired or long since forgotten blogs. I've also taken down blogs that have either been requested to be taken down or those that don't link back to the Magic Mafia. Hey, that's life.

In the meantime, here's a pic of the boss' daughter.

MM

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Steve-O Wants to Die



Steve-O of Jackass and Wild Boys fame is never at a loss to say or do something really dumb. In this note which he reads live on the radio, he provokes as many major celebrities and thugs as he possibly can, daring them to kill him. Steve-O is certifiable, that's for damn sure. If you're a gangsta, maybe you can help him out...

Link!

MM

Living in Taradice



It's time to play the Tara Reid Drinking Game. Just click her fake 36 DD boobies.

MM

Freely Mental

Alexander Majique has posted a new blog with some neat ideas and free magic. Check it out over at:

http://freelymental.blogspot.com

MM

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Carlos Mencia is a Weak Minded Thief



Joe Rogan is my hero. He's finally taking a stand against comics who steal from other comics. Joe outed Denis Leary in a recent Playboy article, which started the ball rolling. Next on Joe's list is Carlos Mencia, apparently a fake Mexican who cannot think on his own two feet. From Joe Rogan's terrific website:

I love comedy. Still do, after all these years. I love a good joke, and I love a different point of view that makes me laugh. That's why I got into stand up in the first place, because I'm a fan of the art form. To this day, after 17 years in the business, I still get excited when a really good stand up goes on stage. It inspires me. Whenever I see Chris Rock, or Dave Chappelle, or Dave Attell, or Doug Stanhope, or Jim Norton, or Nick DiPaolo, or any other great stand up comedian go on stage, I get happy. I just love it.

Even more now than ever before, because I really understand what goes into the craft of making good material. The place you need to take your mind to think of something no one else has thought of before, or at least a thought that no one else has been able to put into a form that makes people laugh. It's an amazing skill, and it's an incredibly under-appreciated art form. I love when someone is really good at it, and I really, really fucking hate when someone is faking it. That's why I've been so outspoken against joke thieves. There is nothing more frustrating to me than seeing someone pretending that they came up with some genius shit that someone else worked really hard to form. I've heard the ignorant arguments from non-stand ups like "Every comic steals." Which is TOTAL bullshit. Great comics don't steal. They may be influenced by others, especially early in their careers, but the truly great ones pride themselves in being able to craft original thoughts for their audience. There is nothing more satisfying than taking an idea that you have, fleshing it out, finding the funny parts, perfecting the flow of the words, and then presenting it to an audience and watching them howl with laughter. It's a fucking beautiful feeling.

A lot of comics, me included, got into comedy because we were fans of great comics, and we used to recite other comics lines to our friends. With me, it was always Richard Pryor and Sam Kinison. They were the ones that really made me laugh, and I would recite their lines, verbatim to my friends. I loved the feeling of telling a really well crafted joke to someone that hadn't heard it before, and watching them crack up. It was what made me think that I could and wanted to get onstage in the first place. The joy of getting to the punch line, and seeing the look of recognition from the person you were telling it to when they related to the material, and then the rush of hearing them laugh out loud at the punch lines. It's a beautiful feeling.

When you're starting out and your doing typical, clumsy material, you dream of the days when you're going to come up with some brilliant shit that's going to impress your peers. Some people, never get there, though. The urge to kill is just too strong, and their character is just too weak. They see someone else talking about a subject, and they'll rewrite it and try to pretend it's theirs, or they'll just do it word for word, and hope no ones notices. They never go through the hard parts, and they never learn how to do it right. They just become thieves. Their time onstage, whether they're killing or not, is just hollow fakery. The really scary thing, is that even though a lot of people are aware of what these guys are doing, some clubs still employ them because they can "get the job done" or put "asses in the seats" and these fucking frauds actually manage to carve out a career on other people's ideas.

One of the real problems, is that very few comedians stand up for what's right. They might talk about it privately, but very few step up and take a stand. I have before, especially on the subject of Dennis Leary stealing from one of my favorite comedians, the late, great Bill Hicks. It's commonly known amongst stand ups that Dennis stole a big chunk of Bills act, but amongst the general population it's actually a surprise to a lot of people. Why? Pretty much because no one that anyone would listen to on the subject stood up and said something about it publicly. No one defended the integrity of this great art form. They just let a pretender and a hack steal ideas from a great mind. He pretty much got away with it too. He went on to have success in films, and unfortunately, Bill Hicks died of cancer before most people knew who he was or what he had to say. It really killed me, because I started out a Dennis Leary fan.

I remember watching him in Boston, laughing hysterically at his act, thinking it was all his. I was really impressed. For a few months, he was actually my favorite comedian. His jokes on Jim Fix dying while jogging, and how ironic it was that John Lennon was dead, but Barry Manilow continued to pump out albums made me howl. Then, I saw Hicks, and I really got confused. He was doing the same material, almost word for word that Leary was doing. I didn't get it. Something was wrong. I was only doing stand up for a few months at the time, so I asked some of the local pros, and they all had the same answer: "Leary is a thief." I couldn't fucking believe it. How could this be? How could a guy stealing ideas be allowed to perform in these clubs? The club owners just didn't seem to care. They turned a blind eye, and profited off their hired performer pilfering material from others. It was a horrible feeling, and it set a terrible precedent. If he could get away with it, what would stop people from stealing my shit someday? It turns out nothing and no one would stop them unless I stood up and said something myself.

The latest, and most disgusting joke thief off all is a guy named "Carlos Mencia." The REALLY crazy thing, is that's not even his real name. He sells himself as being mexican, but the reality is his real name is Ned Holness, and he's actually half German and half Honduran. The mexican hook is something he did to ingratiate himself with the local Mexican population of LA where he started. Now, normally I wouldn't dedicate so much time to talk about a piece of shit like "ned" on my website, but this stupid motherfucker talked shit about me on the radio, so it's open season for hacks.

Here's what happened, and how I reported it on my messageboard, where it all started:

I got a funny email today from one of the guys on the Frank show in Tucson saying that Carlos (aka Ned Holness -or however the fuck you spell it- his real name, aka the phony mexican or carlos menstealia- what other comics call him) was talking shit about me on the radio. He sent me an audio file, and since I'm bored in a fucking hotel room in DC, I listened to it.

I thought I would share it with you guys because you're the cause of it with the barrage of hate you sent to his website

He talks about how you guys were saying he sounds a lot like me, and how I said "the force was weak with him" which I did, and that was being NICE. What I should have said is that he's a fucking weak minded delusional joke thief. What's really interesting, is that I said what I said about him HERE. Since this is a private forum that the public can't read unless they sign up, that means he signed up, and he's a member here. Did he respond here? No. Of course not. He sits back like a little lurker sponge sucking up ideas for new "jokes" and listening to people talk shit about him, but not having the fucking balls to stand up for himself.

What's really funny, is that he refers to himself in this audio clip as "The punisher." saying that's his nickname. Listen up, you fat delusional hack, you can't give YOURSELF a fucking nick name, you no friends having douche bag. I'm THE TERMINATOR!!! There, I have a nick name now!! The only thing you punish is the attention span of anyone in your fucking audience with an IQ above 60.

What's really hysterical, is that he talks about a fictional occurrence at the comedy store I nervously watched him in the back of the room, and where me and a bunch of comics supposedly sat around and talked about him for an hour, and then finally in this fantasy scenario, I admitted that he's really good.

I'm gonna be real clear, stupid; that NEVER fucking happened. the only time any comic, including me watches you, is to see if your stealing material. Which you DO. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. See, that's why people SAY you steal. Because it's a fucking fact.

No one is running around saying Chris Rock is a thief, or Dave Chappelle is a thief, or even me for that matter. But HUNDREDS of fucking comics recognize you as a thief. What... they're all jealous? They're jealous of you and not Chris fucking Rock? Oh yeah, I forgot... he's not "The Punisher!!"

I've seen you steal over and over again. I've seen you Steal from Paul Mooney, I've seen you steal from Dave Chappelle, I've seen you steal from old Richard Pryor albums, I've seen you steal from Jeff fucking Foxworthy. Your mind is weak. Keep talking shit, fat boy. I'll keep exposing you.

Enjoy the audio clip here: Carlos talking shit on the radio.

Now, the REALLY funny thing, is that "Carlos" was claiming that I was watching him onstage, pacing the back of the room, and then reluctantly admitting his greatness to other comics. Well, what's funny about that, is that my trusty camera man actually filmed "Carlos" watching ME onstage from various parts of the room, and then filmed him sucking onstage after him, and me talking about how terrible he was. He even edited it together with the audio from the radio station in AZ.

Check it out here: Carlos OWNED.

Here's another great article written by someone about the phony cocksucker: Hope in America

If you really love comedy, stop supporting joke thieves. Here's some more audio, this time of George Lopez from the Stern show yesterday talking about what a thief "Carlos" is: Lopez on Stern.

Way to go, Rogan!

MM