Friday, August 12, 2005


I'd like to revisit a rant I posted about heroes in the now deceased Magic Mafia, version 2.0:

Hi. Y'know, I know we just had a great Superbowl, and I realize that this Pete Rose thing is done, but I do have one final request: I'd like you to take a look at the face of Pete Rose or Rafael Palmeiro on a magazine, newspaper, or anywhere you might see it. Because what you are seeing is the face of professional sports. It's ugly, it's stupid, it's self-absorbed, and it's criminal -- players, owners, all of them. Criminality and arrogance. There's nothing there anymore, folks. In point of fact, there never was.

Now we've got generations of minority men who've been told by the professional sports establishment, owners, and players, and even their parents, "Play ball; this is where your destiny lies. All of your heroes are here, and they're all black. These WILL be your heroes." Hence, we've got millions of young men who might have chosen science, medicine, or the law, yet they've opted for the road that lay open for them: dribbling a basketball.

Y'know, there were never any heroes really; Joe Dimaggio, we now find out, was a skin flint and a lousy father. Ditto Vince Lombardi. One of the sports world's truly great dumbasses is Bobby Hull, the hockey player. An ex-wife of his claimed he beat her bloody and senseless at times, not that anyone noticed, and today, of course, we have Koby Briant, who has about as much respect for his wife as Bobby Hull had for all three of his!

Now, off the field, we're told to take these guys seriously. I can tell you this: if any of them came into my workplace, the first thing I'd have them do is get me coffee. They are quoted as if they're Winston Churchill or Martin Luther King, the smallest, dumbest joke is reprinted the next day in the sports page as high comedy. And that's another thing: you sports writers are the worst; you know you hate those guys. You hang around athletes pretending you like them because you need access. I want to tell the pro athletes out there right now: there has never been any sports writer that has ever respected you, ever! They'd probably like to, I know they've claimed to, but they know you guys only too well.

However, I want you to know that I like you as long as you play your silly game, take your big paycheck, and off the field keep your big fat mouth shut and your life relatively clean. Y'know, the age of big sports is drawing to a close, so you guys are on borrowed time. However, great Superbowl. Good job, Mr. Moonves!



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great rant! 100% agreed!

1:43 AM  
Blogger Andster said...

Amen. Glad you re-posted this one.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Danny said...

Don't get us started....

As someone wiser than we once said "teachers, policemen and firefighters will make the same salaries as professional athletes when people are willing to pay the same amount of money to see them do their job."

Understand there was a book out, think it was called "Pro's and Con's" that had even more stuff that you never say in the media.

Great post.

Sarc. Mag.

3:25 PM  

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