Saturday, July 30, 2005

Kreskin Shuts Down WOR Radio?

Kreskin May Have Shut Down WOR Radio With His Mental Abilities

The Amazing Kreskin’s mental abilities may have been the cause of WOR New York going off the air this week.

Kreskin was a guest on WOR’s Joey Reynolds Show and was attempting an experiment where he was going to make listeners feel like they were freezing cold, using the power of suggestion. After conditioning his subjects, he told them that they were all going to experience an arctic chill throughout their body.

After shouting, “chill out," WOR went off the air for at least 30 seconds, reportedly for the first time in the station's history.

After the station was back on air, hundreds of phone calls came in from listeners claiming that they experienced an almost paralyzing chill throughout their bodies.

Just for the record, Kreskin's mental abilities had about as much to do with the shutdown of WOR radio as I had the pleasure of being the sole ass eater of Jenna Jameson!


Friday, July 29, 2005

Fourth Amendment Apparel

TOTH to Xeni Jardin:

New Yorkers who don't like the recently implemented random searches on subways might dig these t-shirts and bags bearing the text of the Fourth Amendment and "I do not consent to this search!"

Not your thing? Then check the related undies that state "I consent to this search," and solicit random acts of person-parts seizure.


God forbid the government intervene and do whatever necessary to protect its citizens, even if it means profiling. When the government put the crackdown on the mafia, who did they look for? Middle-aged black women? Why shouldn't we be profiling Middle Eastern men when conducting these searches? It wasn't a bunch of elderly women who blew up the Twin Towers on 9-11 or bombed the "tubes" in the UK!


Microsoft "Genuine Advantage" Cracked in 24 Hours

Cory Doctorow reports, "This week, Microsoft started requiring users to verifiy their serial number before using Windows Update. This effort to force users to either buy XP or tell them where you got the illegal copy is called 'Genuine Advantage.' It was cracked within 24 hours."

Before pressing 'Custom' or 'Express' buttons paste this text to the address bar and press enter:


It turns off the trigger for the key check.



Society of Stoned Magicians

Imagine my surprise when I opened my mailbox and found my official Super Secret Society of Stoned Sorcerers club card signed by none other than President emeritus Dennis Loomis himself. Who'da thunk it? I never even suspected!



Thursday, July 28, 2005

7 Words You Can't Say in Kindergarten

Major kudos go out to Bill Torkington for this hilarious rip on the Carlin classic. Do not click the link below if you are easily offended by words. Jesus!



Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Mindfreak, Episode 2

So, what'd you think?

Feel free to post your comments in the comments section, of all places...


The Aristocrats: Blow by Blow

Why has The Aristocrats been called the dirtiest movie ever made? The answer’s in this spoiler-rich index.

As its July 29 release date approaches, The Aristocrats continues to generate a swirl of controversy for being quite possibly the dirtiest movie ever made, an impressive feat considering it contains not a single frame of nudity. Just last week, AMC, which will soon be the nation’s second largest theater chain, announced it wouldn’t be showing the 90-minute film on any of its 3,500 screens.

So what’s all the fuss about? Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza’s low-budget documentary features over 100 comics—including Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, George Carlin, Whoopi Goldberg, Phyllis Diller, Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Bill Maher, and Sarah Silverman—performing their own improvised versions of the same joke, known as “the Aristocrats.” The premise of the joke, which dates back to Vaudeville, isn’t all that shocking. It concerns an uncommonly affectionate—and oddly leaky—family act auditioning before a talent agent. After finishing, the agent asks them what they call their act. “The Aristocrats,” the agent’s told. What’s so dirty about that? Well, as anticlimactic as the punchline sounds, it’s the details of the performance that have provided generations of comics the improvisational latitude to go bluer than any man or woman before.

Radar dispatched a team of dark-suited operatives to a recent screening in order to document what could have possibly scared AMC away. Readers in New York and L.A., and anyone with a sensitive stomach, may want to steer clear of this complete film index. Those of you in the hinterlands: grab some popcorn, and enjoy. Oh, and you’ll probably want to wear a raincoat …

Anal blood, used by son to splatter audience

Analingus, performed by son on father
performed by daughter on father
performed by father on daughter
performed by son, with mother’s feces in his mouth, on infant

Anus, Cow’s, penetrated by unidentified person’s fist
Daughter’s, penetrated by father’s fist
Daughter’s, penetrated by grandfather
Dog’s, finger inserted into by daughter
Dog’s, penetrated by grandfather
Dog’s, penetrated by son
Father’s and son’s, alternately licked by daughter
Father’s, used to play bagpipes
Father’s, used to catch ping-pong balls
Grandmother’s, penetrated by son
Mother’s, penetrated by son
Mother’s, penetrated by father
Mother’s, penetrated by son
Son’s, penetrated by father

Audience, invited to masturbate niece and nephew

Axe handle, used by father to hit daughter’s head

Baseball bat, used by father to beat three daughters
used by father to beat wife

“Be a Clown,” sung by family in unison

Bicycle, ridden by grandmother while urinating on family
ridden by woman with outsized vaginal cavity from which men emerge spitting vaginal mucous on audience

Birth Canal, mother’s, infant son half reinserted into by father, who then anally penetrates son

Boil, popped by father on own back

Bucket of Feces, put over own head by daughter who then goose-steps around the stage
thrown by son into mother’s face

Buddhist Monk, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen, then killed

Bullet Hole, shot in son’s head by father then used for intercourse

Burst Hemorrhoid, affixed by father to tip of nose

Cartwheels, performed by mother in the nude

Catholic priest, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen

Copulation, performed by dog and daughter
performed by father and daughter
performed by father and daughter while daughter fellates son
performed by father and gorilla
performed by father and mother
performed by grandfather and mother
performed by son and grandmother
performed by son and mother

Cunnilingus, performed by father on wife
performed by son on daughter

Curry Powder, sprinkled by unidentified Indian man onto penis of unidentified African-American man

Defecation, by Betsy Ross
by entire family on stage in unison
by family dog on family
by father into wife’s mouth
by father on dead daughter
by father on stage
by man into woman’s vagina
by mother and father on stage, with children frolicing in result
by mother into metal bucket
by mother into son’s mouth

Defecation and Urination, by dog on stage

Desk Drawer, slammed repeatedly by father to flatten penis

Diarrhea, attack of which propels son in circles around stage

Dog, penetrated by talent agent penetrates man anally while cat licks man’s testicles

Donkey, urinated on by father

Dried Semen, chipped off mother’s desk by father

Ejaculation, by father onto daughter’s rectum
by father onto entire family
by father onto mother’s face
by six dwarves on stage, one by one

Extra-Large Vagina, used by several men as hideout

Feces, applied by father in preparation for blackface routine
danced in by father
eaten by son
eaten out of grandmother’s rectum by father
Grandfather’s, eaten by daughter
Mother’s, removed from bucket and juggled by son while urinating into daughter’s mouth
rolled around in by family
rolled around in by father
skated through by family
slid through by family
slid through by female family members
Son’s, applied by mother on family members
splits performed into by family in unison

Feces and Urine, eaten off family by dog, who then jumps through hoop
rolled in by family

Fellatio, performed by Eddie Fisher on goat in MGM studio lot to the dismay of wife Debbie Reynolds
performed by father on infant son
performed by mother on donkey
performed by mother on father
performed by sister on brother
performed by son on father
performed on father by unborn baby as father penetrates pregnant mother anally

Finger, pulled by daughter to cause passage of gas

Fishhook, used by father to pierce penis

Fishhook-Pierced Penis, used by father to copulate with daughter

Fisting, particular enjoyment of by Mickey Rooney

Flaming Elephant Penises, juggled by unidentified man

Flattened Penis, used by father to beat children
used by father to knock out son’s eye, then penetrate eye socket

“God Bless America”, sung by grandparents while engaged in intercourse

Kazoo, placed in anus by grandmother to perform “Begin the Beguine” while fellating grandfather

Kerosene, added by son to bucket of urine and feces then ignited

Kiddie Pool, filled with Beef Entrails and Aborted Fetuses, waded into by family

Liberty Bell, cracked by signers of Declaration of Independence who hit it sliding through Betsy Ross’s feces

Light, flipped on by Amish father

Liquid Feces, gargled then swallowed by mother

Lit Cigar, inserted by father into mother’s anus

Liza Minnelli’s Swollen Clitoris, compared to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float

“Make Them Laugh,” sung by family in unison

Masturbation, performed by father into shot glass
performed by son onto mother multiple times
performed by son with outsized genitalia until the head of penis explodes
performed on son by mother
performed simultaneously by male family members onto dead grandmother
performed simultaneously by male family members onto dish
Mutual, performed by Siamese twins who are attached at derriere

Midget Uncle With Three Penises Protruding From Head, appearance on stage by

Mixture of Feces and Urine, applied to face by father

Mop Handle, inserted into unidentified man’s anus by unidentified African American man

“Nearer My God to Thee,” sung by daughter while juggling torches

Pinky Fingers, inserted by mother into father and son’s anuses as they ejaculate

Pope, penetrated by talent agent

Projectile Vomiting, by mother all over audience

Puddle of Semen, Feces, and Urine, coitus and oral sex performed by family in

Rabbi, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen

Radio, listened to by Amish mother

Ring of Fire, jumped through by dog

Semen, drunk from shot glasses by mother
Father’s, eaten by mother out of daughter’s anus
Father’s, eaten by son off mother’s face
Father’s, spat out by infant after being born by mother
Male Family Members’, eaten by female family

Semen and Sweat Mixture, used by family to bathe

Shetland Pony, yielded live by grandmother during failed abortion, then ridden off stage by grandfather

Shoes, shined by Liza Minnelli with own vaginal mucous

Sixty-Nine, performed by father and daughter on each other

Smoke Rings, blown from mother’s vagina, then jumped through by son

Songs, sung by four unrelated men who fashion helmets out of their outsized genitalia
sung by mother as daughter masturbates father and son simultaneously

Striptease, performed by mother

Tampon, removed by father from wife’s vagina and thrown at wall, to which it sticks

“Tea for Two,” played by wife using her vagina as an instrument

Trapeze, used by family to performed act while urinating on audience

Unspecified Animal Manure, swum though by family

Urination, by dog on family
by family onto one another in unison
by three men on stage

Vagina, Daughter’s, penetrated by father’s fingers
Daughter’s, penetrated by father with hot curling iron
Daughter’s, penetrated by mother’s fist

Vomit, causing entire family to vomit when smelled
eaten by family member after vomiting

Vomiting, by son and daughter on stage in unison
by the entire family in unison
by three men on stage

Wallet, stolen by Hispanic male who then defecates on stage

“What a Wonderful World,” gas passed to tune of by son and daughter

Xylophone, played by son with penis




Looks like some poor slob took the bait and paid thousands of dollars for a set of wooden cups. Check it out for yourself! How much were those fuckers again?



No Shit: File Sharers Buy More Music

Perhaps before the movie/music industry and government think about taking legal action against downloaders, they could take a look at this recent study to see who really supports them!

TOTH to Cory Doctorow:

A British research outfit has determined that music file-swappers buy more music than their non-infringing peers:

Digital music research firm The Leading Question found that they spent four and a half times more on paid-for music downloads than average fans. Rather than taking legal action against downloaders, the music industry needs to entice them to use legal alternatives, the report said.
According to the music industry, legal downloads have tripled during 2005.



Ron Jeremy Reality TV Show Coming to ABC?

TOTH to Xeni Jardin:

ABC is said to be exploring the possibility of a reality television show with adult film star Ron Jeremy, according to this AVN article.



Hate Wearing Condoms?


Monday, July 25, 2005

Another Mindfreak Review

A reality show about a tattoo parlor in a Vegas casino and magician who calls himself "Mindfreak'' - what better ways to say TV's summer doldrums are upon us?

Illusionist Criss Angel is a better bet, though his show manages to be entertaining largely in spite of him.

Angel is indeed highly skilled. Like "Street Magic'' star David Blaine, from whom he borrows heavily, Angel pulls off some impressive illusions on the street. The levitation-themed debut show features a couple of particular stunners.

Buffoonish, industrial-music presentation hobbles the show, as when Angel proclaims, "I am the mindfreak'' in the self-screamed theme song.

The camerawork is absolute garbage and leaves much more room for doubt than is necessary. Angel is uneven himself. He looks like a "Slippery When Wet''-era Jon Bon Jovi, but has the charisma of a telephone pole. The romance diesevery time he speaks or tries on his goggle-eyed "mystic'' stare.

He also barely resists proclaiming that he has actual supernatural powers, which would make him this week's most annoying TV dweeb. One John Edward is enough.

The show has an identity crisis, too, wavering between atmospheric magic and behind-the-scenes reality goop. It appears everything comes down to whatever best feeds Angel's ego at the moment.

Like Blaine, his act ranges from close-up tricks to death-defying stunts, with mixed results and several old chestnuts along the way. But when he's good, he's very good.

And in an age when TV magic consists largely of anticlimactic, one-shot specials, this ongoing exposure to the art is a treat.

"Criss Angel Mindfreak'' A&E Wednesdays at 10 p.m. (Two and one half stars out of four.)

John Ruch


Fantastic Four Review

I promised you a review of the FF when I saw it. Saw it last night finally aftermulti-sessioning with transvestites all week. Here it is:


OK, there was one redeeming quality of this movie. Jessica Alba. I want nothing more than to have Jessica squirt diarrhea into a glass so that I can put a stick in it, put the glass in the freezer, and enjoy an Alba flavored shitcicle later on in the day. She's that hot.


Lance Frogstrong

You know it pisses the frogs off in Frogtown that Lance Armstrong, a one-nutted American, has taken the Tour de France 7 times.

Congrats, Lance!


Faux nose-picker nose-hair trimmer

TOTH to Cory Doctorow:

This battery-powered nose-hair trimmer is shaped like a human finger for faux-nose-pickery hilarity!



Thursday, July 21, 2005

Mindfreak Official Reviews

The first official reviews are starting to leak from last evening's episodes of Criss Angel's Mindfreak. About Magic has a pretty extensive review, thanks to Wayne N. Kawamoto:

Mindfreak (Mind “freak”)
n 1:Modern day mystifier who utilizes skills beyond the category of magic. 2:the result of something incomprehensible. 3:supernatural. 4:Criss Angel.

Along with a barrage of surreal video, so began Criss Angel Mindfreak, the long-awaited magic special starring Criss Angel. If David Copperfield is often compared to a rock star, Criss Angel would be Copperfield’s dark, heavy metal equivalent. Angel is an excellent and mesmerizing performer, and his show provided a good magic event.

Throughout, the show emphasized an on-the-street style that was popularized by David Blaine. As in the Blaine magic specials, the use of spectators on a street creates realistic, spontaneous-looking situations. Angel began the show by crouching beneath an inverted trash can that was held down by volunteers, and mysteriously reappearing in another location.

For the Human Candle segment, Angel flies his mother from New York to Las Vegas to celebrate her birthday. And he lights himself on fire to commemorate the event. What initially appears to be a physical challenge that any Hollywood stuntman could perform results in a spectacular payoff. With his mother watching and reacting, Angel builds the impact.

In the streets, Angel performs an intriguing voodoo effect where he burns a part of a doll and causes volunteers to feel heat in their corresponding limb. And for more fun, Angel lets volunteers punch a doll with a pin to “punish” him. Other effects include a borrowed ring revelation and a thought-of card that is identified in a spectacular manner that is suitable for a magic special.

For his finale, Angel follows Blaine’s flighty footsteps and performs levitations in front of stunned spectators in impromptu locations. While television audiences may initially be jaded by levitations, they've seen David Blaine do this before, Angel’s risings, where he appears to ascend some three to four feet, are far more impressive than Blaine’s.

Most intriguing, and the show’s closer, is an amazing suspension of Angel himself and a volunteer in a park and in the middle of Fremont Street in Las Vegas. The cameras quickly pan around to show no noticeable supports-an impressive-looking effect. This suspension will probably be the topic of discussion around water coolers everywhere.

Interview segments allow Angel to talk about the impact of his magic and how it lets him connect with spectators. I haven’t seen Angel’s first television special in a long time, but it seems to me that he is wearing less theatrical make-up these days, and, in interviews, is trying to portray himself as more of an average, affable guy that people can relate to. I think he is intentionally toning the down the extreme elements.

Despite some great effects and Angel’s brooding charisma, the show lacks the uplifting feel and impact of Copperfield's best television specials. Perhaps it’s difficult for a show to sustain its serious, dramatic tone for an entire hour without any light moments to counteract it.

Even David Blaine featured lots of light segments in his shows to balance his straight-forward approach. And, of course, Copperfield has long been known for his comedy, and dramatic presentations based on love, childhood innocence and expectations, music and other themes. As we all know, Copperfield's approach is a winner that has entertained millions and inspired countless new magicians.

Overall, Criss Angel Mindfreak was baffling, mystifying and mostly entertaining, which made it good for magic. Is this the beginning of a series ala David Copperfield, Lance Burton and David Blaine? It’s certainly a decent start. And I’m hoping that it is.

Criss Angel Mindfreak aired on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 on A&E.



New Potter Online Within 24 Hours

TOTH to Cory Doctorow:

JK Rowling reportedly refused to release the new Harry Potter as an ebook, citing "piracy" fears. Less than 24h after the book hit the shelves, it had been scanned in, run through optical character recognition software, proofread and posted. The Pottermaniacs who did the work coordinated their efforts with IRC channels and most of them never met.

Today if you want to buy a copy of the new Potter to read on your phone, you're out of luck: but you can download one for free that's been produced by fans of the book who were willing to sacrifice their copies to contribute to the homebrew digital edition. I found them within minutes of looking for them.

Smart business decision, huh?



Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Mindfreak Thoughts & Reviews

So, what'd you think? Honest feedback only, please...


He's Dead, Jim!

James Doohan, 85, the burly chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in the original "Star Trek" TV series and movies who responded to the command "Beam me up, Scotty," died July 20 at his home in Redmond, Wash. He had pneumonia and Alzheimer's disease.

Mr. Doohan, a Canadian, was working as a character actor when he auditioned for a role as an engineer in a new space adventure on NBC in 1966. A master of dialects from his early years in radio, he tried seven different accents.

"The producers asked me which one I preferred," Mr. Doohan later said. "I believed the Scot voice was the most commanding. So I told them, 'If this character is going to be an engineer, you'd better make him a Scotsman.' "

The series, which starred William Shatner as Capt. James T. Kirk and Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, attracted an enthusiastic following of science fiction fans, especially among teenagers and children, but not enough ratings power. NBC canceled it after three seasons.

When the series ended in 1969, Mr. Doohan found himself typecast as Montgomery Scott, the canny engineer with a burr in his voice. In 1973, he complained to his dentist, who advised him: "Jimmy, you're going to be Scotty long after you're dead. If I were you, I'd go with the flow."

"I took his advice," said Mr. Doohan, "and since then everything's been just lovely."

"Star Trek" continued in syndication in the United States and abroad, and its following grew larger and more dedicated. In his later years, Mr. Doohan attended 40 Trekkie gatherings across the country and lectured at colleges.

The huge success of George Lucas's "Star Wars" in 1977 prompted Paramount Pictures, which had produced "Star Trek" for television, to plan a movie based on the series. The studio brought back the TV cast and hired director Robert Wise. "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" (1979) was successful enough to spawn five sequels.

The powerfully built Mr. Doohan spoke frankly in 1998 about his employer and his TV commander. He accused Shatner of hogging the camera, adding: "I like Captain Kirk, but I sure don't like Bill. He's so insecure that all he can think about is himself."

James Montgomery Doohan was born March 3, 1920, in Vancouver, British Columbia. As he wrote in his autobiography, "Beam Me Up, Scotty," his father -- a pharmacist, veterinarian and dentist -- was a drunk who made life miserable for the family.

At 19, Mr. Doohan escaped the turmoil at home by joining the Canadian army. He was among the Canadian forces that landed on Juno Beach on D-Day. He lost a finger during the fighting.

After the war, Mr. Doohan on a whim enrolled in a drama class in Toronto. He showed promise and won a two-year scholarship to New York's famed Neighborhood Playhouse, where fellow students included Leslie Nielsen, Tony Randall and Richard Boone.

His commanding presence and booming voice brought him work as a character actor in films and television.

His marriages to Judy Doohan and Anita Yagel ended in divorce.

Survivors include his wife, Wende Braunberger Doohan; four children from the first marriage; two children from the second marriage; and three children from the third marriage.

The actor's ashes are to be sent into space, as Doohan had wanted, by a company called Space Services Inc., according to the agent.

The Houston-based company teams with commercial launch organizations in offering out-of-this-world memorial services. It has sent into space the ashes of "Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry and drug guru Timothy Leary.

Meanwhile, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce is offering a moreearthly tribute to Doohan on Wednesday afternoon as representatives will place flowers on Doohan's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.


Women Complain Viagra Users Want Too Much Sex

TOTH to Sgt Raymond for pointing out that people will always complain about something, even when it's something good:

A three-year study of the "socio-cultural implications" of Viagra and similar drugs to correct erectile dysfunction reveals that men using the prescription want too much sex.

Canterbury University researcher Annie Potts, who did the study, said the women felt Viagra was giving their sex life too much of a lift.

They complained that their partners insisted on having sex - regardless of their own mood - because the men wanted to get their money's worth, she said.

Potts studied the relationship of men and women, where men aged from their mid 30s to early 70s had "erectile difficulties", reports The New Zealand Herald website

She presented some of her findings based on interviews with 27 women, aged 33 to 68, with an average age of 53 in New Zealand at a conference held recently in Canada's Montreal city titled "Women and the New Sexual Politics: Profits vs. Pleasures".

Some of the issues she raised included unwelcome changes to sexual practice, tension and conflict in communication between partners, fears about men's infidelity and concerns about adverse health effects from using Viagra.

A 48-year-old, who said Viagra made sex inevitable, said the attitude was: "I've taken the pill, OK, let's go".

And a 60-year-old, explaining the difficult adjustment to a sudden, vigorous sex life, said: "All of a sudden Viagra became the focus in the house for a while."

Some of the women said that health professionals did not consult with the female partner when treating males for erectile dysfunction.

In Potts' study, some women complained that their husbands could have multiple erections over a 24-hour period and even though the women didn't want to have sex, they felt a duty to endure it to help their partners repair their battered self-esteem.

When one 57-year-old was asked what would happen if she told her partner she wasn't in the mood for sex, she replied: "I think he'd be pretty deflated, really, and I think it would be worse because of the fact that he'd taken that pill. I'm frightened that it would hurt his feelings."

Some women reported that less time was spent on pleasurable activities other than intercourse while others said they'd get angry with their husbands for not consulting them before popping a pill.

The study concluded that those women who were not keen to have sex more frequently risked being labelled dysfunctional themselves. There might even be some pressure on them to accept some form of treatment, it said.


World's Largest Magic Yard Sale?

TOTH to Wayne Kawamoto:

According to a recent press release, illusionist Wayne Alan (FISM 1982-International Olympics of Magic Gold Medal winner for Grand Illusion) will host, at his home, a yard sale featuring stage illusions, close-up and stage magic, books, posters and memorabilia. It will be held Saturday, July 23, 2005-10:00 AM to 1:00 PM at 3103 Newcastle Lane, Riva (Annapolis) MD, 21140-rain or shine.

When asked who can attend, Mr. Alan replied, “Only magicians (and the media) will be allowed entry.” A valid ID from a magical organization such as the International Brotherhood of Magicians or the Society of American Magicians, or other proof of a serious interest in magic is required for entry.” Over 500 magicians from the Mid-Atlantic region, including the members of the Magician’s Alliance of Eastern States, have been invited.

Magicians from as far away as New York have indicated that they plan to attend.
Stage illusions made by John Gaughn and David Mendoza, both builders of illusions for David Copperfield and Siegfried and Roy, will be available for sale. Many of the magician’s props are valued in the thousands of dollars.

Mr. Alan has performed on national TV on Entertainment Tonight, MTV, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, ABC, NBC and CBS Network News programs. He’s also appeared with Oprah Winfrey, Larry King, Will Smith and Maury Povich as well as seven times at the White House. He has acted as a consultant for David Copperfield.

Wayne is best known in the trade show/convention field. He represents large corporations in their convention exhibits and meetings as a goodwill ambassador and spokesman for their products. He has designed custom illusions for companies ranging from a vanishing automobile for Avis Rent-A-Car to levitating a laptop computer for Zenith Data Systems.

Photo opportunities of people floating in the air, being sawed in half, and disappearing into thin air will be available. The media will be asked to sign a secrecy agreement so as not to reveal any magician’s secrets.


Monday, July 18, 2005

Owen Wilson: Ass Eater

According to Rolling Stone and the New York Post:

"Which blond stud, nicknamed the 'Butterscotch Stallion,' has a perverse sexual bent? He recently picked up a girl at a wedding [!], and the two went back to his hotel room. When the woman asked if he had a condom, the actor replied, 'I don't want to have sex with you, but I do want to do something else' -- and proceeded to lick her buttocks for 'over two hours.'"

OK, so Wilson's real interest in butts is allegedly as objects to be licked. It's nothing to be ashamed of, really, and Wilson probably isn't, nor is he likely to be upset by his fling's loose talk. It comes with the territory, and he's got a sunny attitude about such things.

"It's like, 'Who cares?'" he says. "I play it as it lays. OK, so I may not be the greatest lover in the world. Well, let's make that angle work. There's lots of different paths to the waterfall. You don't have to be Don Juan. And wasn't it Gloria Steinem who said that women have to be responsible for their own orgasms? Well, I take her at her word. I'll do my best, OK, but at a certain point you've got to, like, you know...."

And who says Hollywood stars aren't intelligent and interesting people with nothing to offer society? At least that nose fits in nicely where it counts...



WTF? Comments

I was wondering what the fuck was with the lack of comments with the inception of the 3rd installment of the Magic Mafia. I took a look at my comments settings and noticed that it was set to not allow anonymous comments. The problem is fixed with my apologies.

Steve Pellegrino


Did I say that out loud?



Sunday, July 17, 2005


Magic television specials rarely get my attention. Most are drab, hacky, and in my opinion, best to ignore. However, this one's grabbed my attention 110%: Criss Angel's Mindfreak, airing each Wednesday on A&E at 10:00 PM. If Criss succeeds in doing what he set out to do, the caliber of television magic specials will be raised once in for all. If you thought the David Blaine specials were cool [cough!] make sure you check Mindfreak out!



Scott Free

TOTH to The Magic Monitor, a new favorite blog of mine, for the following:

It appears that Scott Guinn's blog has been deleted by its creator. He sites the following reasons over at the Sloppe:

"Thanks for your support. Due to some unforeseen issues, my blog has been deleted. At this point, I don't really feel like going to the trouble of posting all the details, so that's it, at least for now. But thanks for your interest while it lasted! A few people, including one of the biggest names in magic in the world, have seen fit to appropriate some of my writing to put money in their pockets, without permission or credit. So I have decided not to continue publishing on the web. Again, thanks to those of you who honestly supported me. But stuff like this has left a bad taste in my mouth, and I think I'll limit my efforts to just performing for laymen.

"Regards, Scott"

Once again, the classic case of the bad apple ruining it for the rest of us. I'm sorry to see Scott go (at least for now)...


To Be Fooled or Not to Be Fooled...

Magicians cannot stand to be fooled. It simply destroys them and makes them uneasy when they can't figure out how something is done. So, they go into their magic closets, take out their fishing lines and go to work on message boards. Take this thread from the Magic Crappe:

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon touch me, babe!

And people wonder why the Magic Cafe is the source of amusement and the butt of many bloggers' jokes and time... My suggestion to these hacks is to take their own advice when speaking about magic to laymen who feel challenged by it: Relax and enjoy it for what it is. If you don't like it, keep the holes under your noses shut.


Nice T-Shirt, Dude!

Check out what the The Smoking Gun ran of this guy who got booked for drunk driving. Perhaps he should have been booked for drunk dress-up as well!



Friday, July 15, 2005

Tower of Terror 911 Call

TOTH to Cory Doctorow:

Here's a transcript of a 911 call from Walt Disney World's Tower of Terror after a young woman who rode the thrill ride took ill. Lots more on this at The Disney Blog.

Caller: Uh, medical. I have a guest here at Tower of Terror at the Studio, MGM Studios. She just got off the ride and she is shaking very, very bad and (unint) twice. She is in the, uh, photo area of the Tower of Terror.

D: Approximately how old is she?

C: Uh, she looks like she's, uh, a teenager. Uh, roughly around maybe between 18 or 20 years old, or maybe a little older than that.


Link to audio in RealMedia format!


Tuesday, July 12, 2005

MM Trivia

What do the bands "Lovin' Spoonful" and "10cc" have in common?

Submit your answers in the comments section. Can't? Register with Blogger, brain surgeon. Winner will receive a no-prize and take comfort in the fact that you are superior amongst your fellow homo-magi-sapiens.


Magic "Fakers" Make Good

Although it may be old news to some, I feel it necessary to point some of the more serious magicians to Tim Ellis' and Sue-Anne Webster's blog. Not only are these two magicians inspiring with their creativity, it is obvious they don't take themselves too seriously and have fun doing what they do (something from which many magicians can learn). Take a page out of Ellis' & Webster's book. And make sure to check out their Magic Fakers page if you wish to make an informed, conscious decision before purchasing magic products.


Tool of the Week: "Jerome Abramovitch"

Check out tool Jerome Abramovitch who pumps saline under the skin of his face for the sake of "art."



Monday, July 11, 2005

Can't Find Your Card? Bondoogle It!

TOTH to "Whoever" for the following:

Can't find your card? Bondoogle it!

This page reveals the secret behind Bondoogle, an extremely effective card trick in the guise of a popular search engine. Bondoogle is the ultimate "Google Hack" for magicians.

The basic effect:

1. Ask a spectator to pick a card.
2. Fail to ascertain what it is.
3. Turn to Google for help. In Google, you type in "What is it?"
4. Google returns search results that reveal the card.

Bondoggle will also perform a Google Image search, in which case you will get images of the card.
How it works:

1. Bookmark the following URL on your browser (or set your home page to it). This is a fake Google of the originator's own (devious) construction.

Note: If you like, you may hide the address bar in your browser, but when performed properly, no one will notice that the address is different.

2. Have the user select a card and covertly determine what the card is, using your favorite method. I use an ordered deck. You use any method you like.

3. Make a few bad guesses.

4. Go to the fake Google page. If you like, you can click on the "Images" button to do an image search (this way you get pictures of the card). Otherwise, it does a regular google search that returns text results.

5. In the input field, type a slash (/), a two-letter card code (codes are explained below), and another slash (/).

For example, if the card is the four of clubs, you would type:

To the user it will appear as if you typed "What." Then finish the rest of the question, phrasing it any way you like, such as "What is it?"

When you hit the search button, Google will perform a search on the phrase "four of clubs", or whatever card you covertly input. The two letter card code is a rank, followed by a suit. Ranks are: a,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,1,j,q,k. Suits are h,d,c,s (first letter of the suit). For example to encode "ten of diamonds" you might type:

/1d/ is the card?

6. You may use either the web search, or the image search. Note that this page will behave more or less like normal Google if you don't type the slash.

Sick of card tricks? The trick can also be used for a mind-reading effect, using the same technique (originaly used in my 1995 program "Orville"). If the secret phrase you type is longer than 2 letters, Bondoogle will search for that phrase, whatever it is. You can use this for a good visual mind-reading act.

For example:

Magician: "Name your favorite movie star."

Spectator: "Charlize Theron."

Magician types (to Google): "What is it that I am thinking of?"Google shows images of Charlize Theron.



The Aristocrats: Everyone Will Love It!

The Aristocrats: Everyone Who Sees this Movie, Will Love It

By Penn Jillette

That’s my goal. I want everyone who sees our movie, “The Aristocrats” to enjoy it. I really do. So far we’ve done a really good job. We’ve had only a few people walk out, and most everyone else seemed to have a great time. Certainly a higher percentage of people who’ve seen our movie liked it than the percentage of people who liked “Lord of the Rings.” One reason is that “Lord of the Rings” sucks and our movie is good. But more importantly, everyone is supposed to like “Lord of the Rings.” They made it for everyone, because everyone has all the money. We didn’t make “The Aristocrats” for everyone; we made it for our friends.

You can tell right away our flick ain’t for everyone. Our movie uses that four letter word that begins with “C.” Our movie uses that word a lot. A way lot. You know the word; it’s the word you say and everyone is automatically sexually harassed. A hostile work environment in one word. It’s the word that adults call “The C word” in front of other adults. Adults who say every other dirty word as every part of speech won’t say that goddamn C word. When Aristocrats say the C word in the movie, it’s worse than just using the C word. We don’t use it in anger or as a mere ejaculation. We don’t even use it as synecdoche. The Aristocrats mean it as the real thing. We’re not just using dirty words; we’re using dirty images, and dirty ideas. And even worse, we’re doing it just for fun. Just for a laugh. The movie’s not for everyone.

“Don’t say shit in front of a C. H. I. L. D.” - Kinky Friedman

Think of the most disgusting images you can. Think of the worst scatological and non-consensual sex you can. Imagine children. Imagine young children. Imagine children that are related to each other. Children who are related to you. Imagine animals. Young endangered animals who are related to each other. Young endangered animals who are related to you. Nope, you’re not even close. The movie has over 100 professionals. They are much more disgusting than you can ever be, that’s because they’re professionals.

The movie is a lot more than dirty words and disgusting images. The taboo language is not even the main thrust; the main thrust is a movie with no nudity, no violence, and no conflict. It’s a movie about laughing with your friends. It’s very political because it’s not political at all. The Aristocrats just take for granted they can say anything they want. Fighting for freedom is a losing battle. Taking liberty is what real Americans do. It’s a love story, it’s political, it’s patriotic, it’s funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. But, you shouldn’t see it if you’ve ever been offended by any word ever ever.

If you’re going to be offended don’t bother coming. It was a cheap movie to make. We don’t need everyone’s money. We have other jobs. Our asses aren’t on the line. If you think you’re going to like this movie, please, you’re invited. If you’re in Vegas and you meet me, I’ll show it to you for free over my house. My wife and I will serve popcorn. But, if you you’ve EVER been offended by any joke, read a book, I suggest “Moby Dick.”

Michael Moore and Mel Gibson are the same person, except for a few sit-ups. Moore thought his cheesy political blooper reel was going to tell people how to vote. Mel thought that his little gay SM movie about his imaginary friend was going to help him get to heaven. George W. Bush is president and there’s still no god. You failed boys. Someone should have told Mike that the bad guys are smarter than him and someone should have told Mel that the Three Stooges were Jewish.

Both those filthy rich losers wanted EVERYONE to see their movies. Moore wanted the Republicans to be shocked by how wrong they were and see the light shining out of his fat ass. Mel went for straight off the rack proselytizing. They both just got even richer.

I’m already richer than I should be. I don’t want to shock or offend anyone who doesn’t enjoy being shocked and offended. I want to make people laugh and love life and love watching all my friends making each other laugh.

So, IF YOU HAVE EVER EVER EVER BEEN OFFENDED BY ANY JOKE – DO NOT SEE THE ARISTOCRATS! If you think you might be offended by our movie, why don’t you go see “Lord of the Rings?” (in other words: go to hell.)

And then -- everyone who sees our movie will love it!

See the trailer on their website.

See the South Park uncut version here!


Sunday, July 10, 2005

WTF: Vat-Grown Chicken Meat?

Thanks to Mark Frauenfelder for the heads up on this very creepy "find":

Stefan Jones says: "In the '50s SF novel The Space Merchants (Frederick Pohl, Cyril Kornbluth), the narrator is sent to a factory that produces chicken meat from a blob of disembodied cells fed nutrients via tubes. It looks like this cruelty-free (by massively creepy) way of growing meat my soon be feasible!"



Saturday, July 09, 2005

He Was Kung Fu Fighting

This is pretty funny shit. A kid gets in a street fight and busts into a Kung Fu stance. While watching I, along with the uploader, thought it was more of a joke to mock the other fighter until he one-punches him and knocks him the fuck out.



Magician Performs Death-Defying Act at 31,000 Feet

Powell performs death-defying act at 31,000 feet

Surgeon, amateur magician assists man aboard plane

With nothing up his sleeves but a dozen years' experience, cardiac surgeon and amateur magician Dr. John Powell saved his best trick for last on a return flight Sunday from a magicians conference. He helped revive a fellow Southwest Airlines passenger whose heart nearly stopped.

The elderly man had cold skin, shallow breathing and almost no pulse when Powell responded to a flight attendant's call for a nurse or doctor, Powell said.

"When I first looked at him, I thought he had already passed away," said Powell, who was returning from the International Brotherhood of Magicians convention in Reno, Nevada. Powell and an emergency room nurse on the flight treated the man with an IV bag, needles and medication in the plane's advanced first-aid kit.

The man revived enough to talk, said Powell, who later learned the man's name was Albert, and that he was 82 years old and lived in New Hampshire.

Southwest Flight 842 from Las Vegas to Nashville made an emergency landing at the Albuquerque International Sunport at 1:33 p.m. CDT, said Mike Rice, the city's director of aviation. Albert Eramian of Derry, N.H., was on the flight and taken to a hospital, Rice said.

A spokeswoman with the Heart Hospital of New Mexico in Albuquerque said Eramian was discharged Monday. Eramian's phone number is unlisted, and he could not be reached for comment. Powell was napping when the call for a doctor was first announced.

He helped lay Eramian down on the seat with his feet up, cut his shirt open in order to listen to his heart with the first-aid kit's stethoscope and put an oxygen mask on him, Powell said. That helped raise Eramian's blood pressure, which had dropped to 50 over some number too low to detect over the jet engine's roar, Powell said.

The man was able to talk and had some color in his face about 15 minutes later once that was done and the IV was in place, he said. Powell then told a flight attendant, "I don't know what you're policy is, but you need to land soon," he said.

The pilot did just that, going from about 31,000 feet to the tarmac in about 20 minutes. Southwest did a great job. I'm going to write them a letter and tell them what a great job (the attendants and pilot) did," Powell said.

Powell was lauded after he helped load Eramian on the ambulance and the plane prepared to take off again about an hour later. "When I got back on the plane, it was kind of cool: The whole plane gave me a round of applause," he said.

Reviving the man would have been very difficult for the nurse, even if a doctor on the ground had been relaying instructions, Powell said. "It was pretty tough for me up there. I'm used to dealing with that all the time, but usually with monitors and other equipment to help," he said. "I was just thankful I was there."

He almost wasn't. Powell, 43, who began practicing magic at age 9, didn't make plans to attend the convention until the week before. "I think I was on that plane for a reason."



All I Want For Christmas is My USB!

TOTH to Cory Doctorow for this great piece of technology that WILL find its way into my Corvette:

This is a hella clever car-stereo idea: a car-stereo with a USB port and an SD slot. Stick in any USB media or SD card and it will play any MP3s it finds on the media. Also plays MP3 CDs.


Here's a US vendor, here's a cheaper UK vendor.


Friday, July 08, 2005

Heads Will Roll!

Someone emailed me asking if I'm still planning on selling the above illusion.

Perhaps. Or perhaps I'll see if Copperfield wants to buy me out...


Fantastic Fun

Peter David, famous comic, novel, and television writer has finally given his review of the Fantastic Four movie out this Saturday to the masses. But don;t read this shit if you don't want to read spoilers, you tools! Check it out:

In the interest of full disclosure, I will state what most of you already know: I wrote the novelization of "Fantastic Four." So obviously it's to my benefit for the film to do well. Anyone who feels that linkage to the film colors my opinion can disregard it as he or she sees fit.


Just came back from the FF screening in the city. I heard a number of adults crabbing about how terrible it was, and I was left wondering whether they saw the same film I did. I then asked every kid I could find who was in attendance what they thought of it, and kids of (literally) all ages loved it. Girls liked Sue Storm, boys grooved on the Thing and, particularly, the Human Torch. No one loved Reed. But, hey, what else is new?

Whatever you're expecting in terms of the more mature angle that comic book films have taken, be it "Batman Begins," "Sin City," or even the sophistication of enjoy "Fantastic Four," you simply have to set the wayback machine in your mind back to when comic books (and movies thereof) were mostly cornball fun. Think "Superman" but without the camp. Some mild spoilers follow:

It's a well-made film with some wince-worthy dialogue that you then realize could have (and possibly did) come straight out of Silver Age FF, and a lot of sequences that just nail the entire squabbling-yet-loving family nature of the FF. The film is at its best when it keeps it small. The character interactions, the throwaway casual uses of their powers. Johnny's tormenting of Ben, including a hilarious practical joke while the Thing is sleeping. And you sit there and say, "That's the FF."

When it goes big, there are stumbles. The main problem centers on Doctor Doom. My concern was not that they changed Victor Von Doom from a Latverian monarch to a corporate douche bag. My concern is that Von Doom blames Reed Richards for the accident that essentially ruined Von Doom's life. In the comic book, this blame is misplaced. In the film, it's not. That Von Doom goes bonkers as a result doesn't change the fact that Reed really IS responsible. I'll grant you, that's consistent with the comic in that Ben blames Reed for rushing them into space without the proper shielding in place. But the thrust of the comic isn't Ben trying to kill Reed as a consequence. In this case, the FF isn't battling a supervillain so much as they are doing damage control, cleaning up after the mess the themselves made (or at least that Reed made).

But there's more than enough in the film to make it worthwhile nevertheless. The Thing should defnitely be seen on a big screen, because all the cries of "Foam rubber" were misplaced. Between the acting, the sound effects, and a few CGI boosts, you'll believe a man can be made out of rock. And the must-see of the film remains the Human Torch. Basically he's an exuberant jackass, but hey, again, that's Johnny. That he's not callow doesn't bother me. After all, he grew up and married a Skrull in the comics, so why not just start with him as the older model? Instead of being a teen and thus expected to be a jerk, he's a guy who refuses to grow up. Johnny Storm with the ultimate in Peter Pan syndrome considering he really DOES learn to fly.

Several key scenes were in the script but not in the film, which would have topped two hours had they been there. These include an entire sequence with Ben attending a soiree at Alicia's art gallery, and Johnny running afoul of a football star and his date at a singles bar. I'll be interested to see if they show up back in the eventual DVD release, as they were excellent scenes (although admittedly they didn't advance the plot much.)

Bottom line, go in expecting a hip, up-to-date rethinking and redefining of the FF, and you're largely going to be disappointed. Expect a reasonably faithful (Von Doom issues aside) translation of the style, spirit and stories of the Silver Age of comics, and you'll have a great time.

Thanks, PAD.



Thursday, July 07, 2005

Photographic History of Michael Jackson's Face

One of my favorite sites is Check out the photographic history of Michael Jackson's face with blithering, yet witty commentary.



Aerial Photo of 500 Nude Sunbathers

TOTH to Xeni Jardin:

How's about a little fuk in the sun?



Luke, I Want Your Light Saber

Gary Kurtz (not THAT Gary Kurtz), producer of Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back is auctioning off 85 items from his personal collection of memorabilia, including Luke (and Anakin) Skywalker's light saber and Yoda's cane. Profiles In History will sell the goods as part of their "Hollywood Auction 22" on July 29 in Beverly Hills. According to a press release, the light saber is expected to fetch $60-$80,000.



Wednesday, July 06, 2005

So Close...

And yet so very, very far away...



I gotsta get me some chocolate!


Lance Burton & Friends to Benefit Shriners

On Sunday, July 31, 2005, Lance Burton will emcee the show “Lance Burton & Friends” to benefit the Zelzah Shrine Temple at Mesquite & Rancho in Las Vegas. This year’s lineup includes performances by Lance Burton, comedy-magician Fielding West, magician Nathan Burton, Drew & Angela Dicostanzo - a.k.a. DV8 Reality Magic and puppeteer Anthony Rais with Totolino.

All of the monies raised will be donated to the transportation fund to aid the hundreds of children who are clients of The Shriners in Las Vegas. The coach buses transport the children with medical problems and their parents to the Shriners Hospital in Los Angeles.

The annual benefit “Lance Burton & Friends” will take place at 5 p.m. on Sunday, July 31st, 2005, at The Lance Burton Theatre in the Monte Carlo.

Ticket prices are $27.50 for balcony and the lower level is $35.
Fielding West is performing at “Ovation” in the Lady Luck with his comedy-magic act. Drew and Angela Dicostanzo are a husband and wife team better known as DV8 Reality Magic. They have been traveling the world on cruise ships for the past couple of years (performing for Holland America & Disney).

To purchase tickets, call 382-5554 between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. from Monday thru Friday or stop in the Zelzah Shrine Temple office at 222 W. Mesquite at Rancho & Mesquite south of U.S. Highway 95.




So, we didn't "get" the Olympics this time around...

My opinion: Who gives a flinging fuck?

They should have voted to give it to that selfish, self-important, racist, anti-semetic France where it belongs...



Monday, July 04, 2005

A Little Perspective

Sometimes, it can take another's point of view to give us spoiled children a better perspective of just how wonderful we have it. When I say "us," I am speaking about those who have come to this country at some point in their generation and now use the same freedoms that the US Constitution has graciously bestowed upon them to belittle, complain, and protest against this country. Those who have lived here throughout their lifetime and never ventured outside the States find it rather convenient to complain about how bad they have it. Sometimes, it takes someone who has experienced the outside world to help put it into perspective for these clowns. Enter Penn Jillette.

Tip Of The Hat to John LeBlanc from his thought-provoking blog, Escamoteurettes for the following, which I find extremely appropriate for the birthday of the United States:

TV magician Penn Jillette is happy to be American - because every other country is "an absolute hellhole."

Jillette - one half of Penn and Teller - has travelled the world as part of the conjuring duo - but would happily take the US over anywhere else , despite the States' "lack of freedom." He says, "Every place outside of the USA is an absolute hellhole. As much as we can complain about the US's lack of freedom, I just can't stand when they force women to dress like Batman, when they leave little girls out to die. I mean, at least we address the issues of equality and freedom, which are not even addressed in a place like Egypt or China or India.

"Other countries are pieces of shit, so they have a holier-than-thou attitude. I think the most insulting thing you can say about anybody is that they're more popular in another country."


Happy 4th of July, children.


Friday, July 01, 2005

Magic Tricks as Defense Weapons?

I've seen these advertised in magic shops, but did you know that it is also used as a defense tool? Shown here, the dreaded Hypnodisk, guaranteed by its manufacturer to "Produce Weird and Bizarre Effects." Defense technology reporter Noah Shachtman says:

I believed all those government and scientific reports that laser rifles and hand-held force fields were decades away from reality -- if they were possible at all. Cloaked in the dull skepticism of a flat-earther, I naively thought that advances like "Electro-Hypnotizers" and "Ion Ray Guns" were the stuff of science fiction, or merely hoaxes. (...) Not only are these items for real, but a helpful Internet retailer -- "Information Unlimited," out of Amherst, New Hampshire -- has been thoughtful enough to sell them all under one electronic roof.

The plans for the above and other such projects are only $20.00!